Some common parenting problems and how to solve them

Children and parents



“There are many people through out the world to criticize children, but only parents are to love, to cherish.  Children are the safest only to their parents”….

                        ………Swagata (Ghosh) Maity

Every parents in the world wants their child to be the best, to be established, to be healthy, to have a good education, to be a real person. Parents start dreaming after the birth of a child. As the child grew older, the parents impose that dream on the child. If the child does not follow the path of the dream developed by the parents, they try to force to follow up. This has become the meaning of parenting in our society.

                                                                             

Parenting doesn’t mean that.  Parenting means raising a child from infancy to adulthood, helping the child’s physical, mental, social and intellectual development.

Now I come straight to the point where we, as parents make mistakes and how we can easily guide them to the correct way and build a perfect, bright children. 

Accept as they are:- At the very tender age, a child tell everything what is happening with him to his parents. When the child grows up, the parents ask but do not want to say anything. Where the relationship was changed? When a child remain infant, parents are happy to listen about him, they smile and accept him. Gradually, when the child grows older, parents begin to pay less attention to the child. When the child says something to their parents with keen interest, most of the time the parents do not want to listen to them rather even if they do, they immediately reject it. The tone of the rule came out of the parents ‘throats,’ Why did you do that?  Never do it again’. 

                                                                           

Suppose a ten or twelve years old child leaves school and goes to play with friends without informing his parents. When the child returned home, he wanted to tell the whole story openly in genuine interest. As soon as the child returns home, the parents start scolding him without giving any importance to the child. If this happens a few times, that implanted in child’s mind that the ‘parents are not reliable, I can’t share everything with them.’ Gradually he began to hide from his parents what had happened outside. And he’s looking for someone to share them with.  Only then did his attraction to the outside world increase and his friends become more reliable and sincere to him than parents. His distance from his parents also increased day by day. If we accept the child as soon as he returns home without any angry reaction and say that ‘it is okay what you have done, but you are a very good boy, you should not do these things.’

Answer the question:- Most parents tell their child ‘Don’t do this, don’t do that’. Listening to these, the question arises in the mind of the child, ‘What should I do then?’ We did not answer this wonderful question of his childhood, on the contrary we show him anger, we try to keep him down. Try to answer all the questions of the child which will help him to fulfill his thirst of knowledge properly.


Balance between love and decipline

The children is not your property:- Children only come through you, not from you. Most parents think of their child as their own property or future investment. The behavior of the parents towards the child continues as usual.  If the child is not on the path tied by the parents, he will be scolded and even beaten. Instead of teaching the child to walk, we determine the way of life, we try to change the way of his or her life. Discipline is definitely needed but if there is no harmony between discipline and love then it becomes rule.

Look at yourself carefully:- A child tries to copy exactly his parents.  So take care of what you are doing yourself, your behavior, your speech, even your thoughts. Each of these is directly or indirectly ingrained in your child’s mind and how his brain continues to develop. So if you want to raise your child then improve yourself, raise yourself.

                                                                         

Never compare child with any other:- Every child is individual. Raise his/ her capacity. Don’t try to mold them. Almost every parent tries to put their child in some mold. Some parents wants their child to be like them and some parents want their child to be like some ideal person or they compare him with another child. Such comparisons create jealousy, ego in the child’s mind, can make them superior or inferior.

Criticism:- Never criticise or use any negative statements to your child. Even you have to avoid any negative thoughts to him/her. ‘My child is naughty, very slow, the child is lazy’ etc. Never use this kind of negative sentences. It builds his identity, his level.


Hug and love

Reward make sense:- Children and even adults are very happy with the rewards before or after doing something. Reward each child for their small good deeds. Reward means I am not talking about any material things here, reward can be applause, praise or any tapping, hug, love. Pretend not to notice the child’s mistakes. Give much importance to their small good deeds.



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