I was on a Zoom call with my former psychiatrist, Dr. Lev – not for a session, but for a work project (when it’s ready, I’ll let you know). Before the third person joined the meeting, I told her I wanted to set up an appointment because I thought I was taking on too much.
“What a surprise,” she retorted, rather sarcastically.
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I started this post early Sunday morning at 3:23 AM because I have chronic insomnia. Which is fine because I need the extra time. Early yesterday morning, I filed an application for a new trademark.
I started a new job about a month ago and took a pay cut to get out of a toxic environment at my old job. (Did I mention that seven people from my old team left or transferred out in the last two months?) I’m now working at a tele-psychotherapy organization, where we make our own schedules. I’m working longer days, and six days a week, to get my salary up to where it was previously. And on Sunday, I have two private coaching clients. So yes, I’m basically working seven days a week.
Trying doing that and launching a business at the same time. I’m preparing to speak at two conferences next month (can’t use the same presentation; different audiences). And I’m thrilled that I just got accepted into a year-long advanced entrepreneurship accelerator program which starts this Thursday. The interview for that was harder than any recent job interview I’ve gone on. There were three people on the interview panel, and at one point one of the interviewers said to me, “How do you like being challenged like this?” and I shot back “I love it.”
I’m writing a book, posting this blog, trying to write the occasional article, and trying to keep up with a new YouTube Channel. Several months ago I applied for a freelance writing job with a website specializing in psychological topics. I had to take a grammar test, then another test which I thought was fairly difficult, with questions about which references they allowed and did not allow and their general style, etc. They took a while to get back to me, so long that I thought I didn’t pass. I recently received an e-mail congratulating me on joining their group of writers, although I haven’t received any assignments yet.
I need to go grocery shopping and I need an eyebrow wax. Those Zoom tele-psychotherapy sessions are up close and personal. Wednesday I have a follow-up appointment with the hand/wrist surgeon to find out if I need a third surgery on my wrist. While my fracture was healing, I was on oral steroids which impeded the healing process. I needed the steroids for a prolonged asthma flare, which I believe was exacerbated by the stress of my old job and the process of searching for a new one. Additionally, I was under financial stress because I was on short-term disability and only receiving a percentage of my regular salary.
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Breathe, Andrea. Just breathe.
Yet I don’t want to let anything go. My reluctance is that perfectionistic part of me roaring back into my life and I have to ask myself why.
Dr. Lev told me it’s good I can recognize I’m taking on too much.
Her favorite question was What comes to mind?
A very old dilemma, which involves black-and-white thinking and leaves no room for grey or mediocrity. My mother was a successful entrepreneur and my father was a pathetic loser. I can’t touch my mother’s brilliance, but I’m terrified of turning into my father.
I made progress in tackling this issue in the past.
Why now? Why again?
Source: © Andrea Rosenhaft
Thanks for reading.