Funny questions with answers
1. How can you tell when a politician is lying? Answer: His lips are moving.
2. What do old Rubik’s cubes and Congress have in common? Answer: The longer you play with them, they start to stink.
3. What’s a mixed feeling? Answer: When you see your mother-in-law backing off a cliff in your new car.
4. Why is it considered necessary to nail down the lid of a coffin? Answer: Because people are always checking for loose screws.
5. How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb? Answer: One … he just holds it up there and waits for something better to come along.
6. Why did Confucius fail his drivers’ test? Answer: He was caught standing on a corner peeking through a window waiting for the answer.
7. Which day of the week do Chinese people get together at their house to worship ghosts? Answer: Wednesday
8. Why don’t gorillas make noise when they eat bananas? Answer: They don’t want to scare away all tht attention.
9. If it wasn’t for pickpockets, would we need locks?
10. Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?
11. What has four legs in winter, two legs in spring and three legs in summer? Answer: A Igloo 12. If an astronaut is talking to you from space, what happens if you hang up on him/her – would he appear rude or call again sometime later ? Answer: He will cut short his research project by a month or so to apologise for being late.
13. What makes more noise than 50 crows sitting on 50 fence posts? Answer: Fifty chimpanzees sitting on 50 fence posts.
14. If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do all her teammates have to drown too?
15. .How do you know when it’s time to tune your bagpipes? Answer: Stick your finger in it and pull out some mist.
16. What is both impossible to draw and impossible to miss? Answer: The bullseye on a target
17. How do you keep swans from attacking your septic tank? Answer: Move it closer to water
18. What looks like half an apple? Answer: A half eaten apple.
19. What kind of envelope never gets delivered? Answer: A stamp envelope.
20. Did you hear about thing that haunts gym teachers everywhere? Yup, it’s called gym class. 21. How do nerds fold their clothes? Paper origami
22. What happens when you cross a cow with a buffalo? Answer: Cows are ruminants.
23. What happened to the cat who swallowed eight quarters? Answer: He had to go to work to put gas in his car.
24. How do you sneak into a theatre playing Hamlet? Answer: Say you’re an understudy
25. What is black when ripe, red when raw and white when fried? Answer: Onions.
26. Why was six afraid of seven? Answer: Because seven ate nine.
27. What’s worse than finding a worm in your apple? Answer: Finding half a worm.
28. What word contains four consecutive letters all equal to r? Scorecard.
29. Why was Cinderella thrown off a bus? Answer: She kept running away from stepsisters
30. How do you catch a unique rabbit? Answer: Unique up on it.
Also read: Funny questions that make you think
Best Funny questions with answers
31. What type of clothing comes alive when you wash it? Answer: A towel.
32. If your nose runs and your feet smell, you are built upside down.
33. If four trains leave Chicago for New York at once, and each travels at 60 miles per hour, how long would it take to pass each other in their rush to be first? Answer: Two hours from Chicago
34. Why is milk a poor conductor of electricity? Answer: Because if a fat person falls into a milking stool he won’t give much of a shock.
35. What is blue and sounds like a parrot? Answer: A blue parrot.
36. What do you say to your wife when she asks for Just one bite? Answer: Make me dinner.
37. When does a doorbell ringing sound most pleasant? Answer: When you’re inside and it’s somebody else’s doorbell
38. What is invisible and smells like carrots? Answer: Rabbit farts
39. Why are people in prison against singing in their cells? Answer: It’s against regulations
40. How do restaurants prevent flies from drowning in their salad bars? Answer: Sprinkle them with sugar
41. Why doesn’t glue stick to its container? Answer: Because it sticks to itself
42. Why did Pilate wash his hands? Answer: He was told to do it
43. What did one eye say to the other? Answer: Between you and me something smells
44. Why is it when one person speaks everyone listens but when many speak, no one listens? Answer: Because nobody cares
45. If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled? Answer: No, it’s just gruntled
46. Why didn’t anyone attend Lillian Russell’s funeral? Answer: They all came and went
47. What is better than good, but not as good as excellent? Answer: Mediocre
48. How can you lift an elephant with one hand? Answer: You will never find an elephant with one hand
49. What would you get if you crossed a parrot with a centipede? Answer: A walkie-talkie
50. Why can’t you trust atoms? Answer: They make up everything
51. Why don’t bears eat fuzz-covered fruit? Answer: Because they don’t like truffles
52. If two elevator cables broke and you had to jump, would it help to have bags of sand strapped to your feet? Answer: Not really
53. What is in Australia, but not in Japan? Answer: Natives
54. If there are three people on a boat and it capsizes, how many people are left in water? Answer: One (he’d only be half in)
55. What is better than love at first sight? Answer: A second chance
56. What’s worse than a boy with lips large as an elephant’s behind? Answer: An elephant with lips as large as a boy’s behind
57. Why are women like teabags? Answer: They only show their true colors when they’re in hot water
58. What goes up but doesn’t come down? Answer: Your age
Also read: Dumb questions that make you think
59. How many people are killed each year crossing the street barefoot? Answer: Next to none
60. If you were to spell boiling without repeating letters, how would you do it? Answer: B-O-I-L-I-N-G
61. How many ears does Mr. Spock have? Answer: Three, counting his human one
62. How do you get holy water? Answer: Boil the hell out of it
63. Why are hurricanes normally named after women? Answer: When they come they’re wild and wet, but when they go they take your house and car with them
64. Which is better to wear in bed, socks or shoes? Answer: Shoes because you can get more in them
65. If you throw a red stone into the blue sea what will it become? Answer: Wet
66. Why did George Washington not tell us where he buried his axe? Answer: Because there’s freedom of speech
67. What happens if you eat detergent? Answer: You die
68. Why are chemists great for solving problems? Answer: They have all of their solutions in solutions
69. What do you call a sleeping bull? Answer: A bulldozer
70. Why are there five syllables in the word monosyllable? Answer: One, two, three, four, five
Also read: Stupid questions that make you think.
Random Funny questions with answers
71. If you can’t convince them, confuse them. Answer: Confusion is the biggest part of being sure
72. Why is it that when someone tells you that there are billions of stars in space you believe them but if they tell you there’s wet paint somewhere you have to touch it to make sure? Answer: You see one with your eyes but feel another with your hand
73. How many times does It’s a small world appear in Alice in Wonderland? Answer: Once
74. How do you fix a broken pencil? Answer: With a pencil sharpener
75. What is it called when water bubbles up through mud? Answer: A geyser
76. What would a chair look like if your knees bent backwards? Answer: A dog
77. Why do banks charge a fee on insufficient funds when they already know there is not enough money? Answer: Because they can
78. If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular? Answer: Because it opens up your other senses 79. How much deeper would oceans be if sponges didn’t live there? Answer: About fifty sponges
80. If a word is misspelled in a dictionary, how would we ever know? Answer: It wouldn’t
81. Why do they put Braille dots on drive-through bank machines? Answer: Blind people can drive too
82. Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii? Answer: Same reason as in any other state 83. If con is opposite of pro, then what is progress? Answer: Congress
84. Can you cry under water? Answer: No, but you can drown quicker
85. How can there be self-help groups if no one but yourself can help you? Answer: Same way as any other group
86. Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup? Answer: Nope
87. If a mute swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap? Answer: It’s possible
88. Why do we drive on parkways and park on driveways? Answer: Who would want to go in-between parks
89. If nothing ever sticks to TEFLON, how do they make TEFLON stick to a pan? Answer: Research
90. What happens if you get scared half to death twice? Answer: You run away screaming twice as fast
91. How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage? Answer: We’re going too fast
92. Why are they called buildings when they’re already built? Answer: Because they’re not buildings until they’re built
93. If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons? Answer: The same place
94. Why are there flotation devices under plane seats instead of parachutes? Answer: It’s safer to be smashed against a plane door than to fall out
95. If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat? Answer: Rice and beans
96. Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, while dishwashing liquid is made with real lemons? Answer: Because you want your dishes cleaned with lemon-flavored dishwater
97. How can there be an Air Force Academy when air force means not supporting aircraft? Answer: For people who can’t get into Army
98. Why is an alarm clock called an alarm clock? Answer: Because it wakes you up
99. Why do we say we’re as sick as a dog? Answer: Even dogs know enough to stay home when they’re sick
100. How does the guy who drives the snowplow get to work in time if everyone else is stuck in traffic? Answer: He puts his snowplow on a sled and pulls it
101. If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, will your pet still be able to breathe? Answer: No, it will whirl around continually and starve
102. Why do people point to their wrist when asking for directions? Answer: To let other people know that they have been lost looking for directions for quite some time
103. How do you start a trombone? Answer: You turn it on.
104. How are there encyclopedias if they are always out of order? Answer: They’re encyclopedias, not almanacs
105. If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons? Answer: The same place
106. Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog’s face he gets mad at you but when you take him on a car ride he sticks his head out of the window? Answer: He’s trying to blow his nose
107. Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground? Answer: Same reason as for being stuck outside during thunderstorms 108. If you’re in a vehicle going the speed of light, what happens when you turn on your headlights? Answer: It doesn’t matter because you can’t see your headlights or anything else for that matter
109. If you tied buttered toast to a cat’s back, would it be toast when it got back? Answer: No; The cat’s fur would not be as slippery as butter.
110. Why is there an expiration date on sour cream? Answer: Because time is money
111. What happens if you get scared half to death twice? Answer: You become fearless
112. If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and sit on them, can you fly? Answer: No. But it does keep your kids occupied for hours.
113. Why is there an expiration date on sour cream? Answer: Because time is money.
114. Why are they called buildings when they’re already built? Answer: Because they’re not buildings until they’re built.
115. How do you catch a rabbit? Answer: Hide in a bush with a carrot.
116. Why do firemen wear red underwear? Answer: They don’t, but would you wear yellow ones if their was a fire.
117. What would happen if everyone had to take a test on all of their knowledge? Answer: A lot of people would fail.
118. Why is it that doctors call what they do practice? Answer: Because they don’t get paid unless they practice.
119. How can there be self-help groups if no one can help themselves? Answer: Same reason as for being stuck outside during thunderstorms.
120. What happens when you put one magnet on top of another? Answer: They get married, have little magnets and repel each other.
121. If it was so cold last winter then how come my milk didn’t freeze until April? Answer: Milk won’t freeze until its number comes up.
122. Why do we put suits in a garment bag and put garments in a suitcase? Answer: If you try to fit a garment into a bag it won’t fit.
123. Why is there an expiration date on sour cream? Answer: Because time is money.
124. Why doesn’t glue stick to its bottle? Answer: It does but when it is in its tube that’s how we can sell it.
125. How much dirt is in a hole 3 feet deep, 6 feet long and 4 feet wide? Answer: None, because you moved
127. What do you call leftover bread if all of your friends are gone? Answer: Toast
128. Why do people with closed minds always open their mouths? Answer: To restock
129. Why doesn’t glue stick to its bottle? Answer: It does but when it is in its tube that’s how we can sell it
130. Why is it called a dumbwaiter, when if you ate in it, you’d be a smartwaiter? Answer: Because you probably have your sense of humor
131. If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes? Answer: I’m not sure but I heard about one ape who finally evolved into man
132. How come there isn’t mouse-flavored cat food? Answer: I guess because cats like mice better than cheese
133. Why is it called a TV set if you only get one? Answer: Why is it called a telephone if you can only call one person at a time
134. Why do we put suits in a garment bag and put garments in a suitcase? Answer: If you try to fit a garment into a bag it won’t fit.
135. How does an idiot proof world keep idiots out? Answer: You ask them difficult questions 136. What’s another word for ‘moment’? Answer: A few seconds.
137. Why is there an expiration date on sour cream? Answer: Because time is money
138. What kind of people write with ball-point pens and why don’t they make indelible ink pens? Answer: Same reason as for being stuck outside during thunderstorms.
139. If you can tell a person’s character by watching them play with a cat, what do you conclude about someone who throws a cat out of a moving car? Answer: Same reason as for being stuck outside during thunderstorms.
140. If you had all day to chop down a tree, would you spend the first half of it sharpening your axe? Answer: You betcha.
141. What happens if there is no tomorrow? Answer: A day later.
142. How come Superman could stop bullets with his chest, but always ducked when someone threw a gun at him? Answer: Because he couldn’t see bullets coming.
143. Why do people say it’s always darkest before dawn? Answer: Because most people wake up in a dark room and their first thought is, Oh no it’s morning already.
144. Why do we sing Take me out to the ball game, when we’re already there? Answer: If you were inside, you’d be singing Watch me take me out to the ball game.
145. Why do they sterilize needles for lethal injections? Answer: The same reason as for being stuck outside during thunderstorms.
146. If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular? Answer: Because it makes everyone look better 147. If flying is so safe, why do they call it a crash landing? Answer: Because if it was safe they’d call it a bump landing.
148. What do you call a handcuffed man with a harem of women? Answer: Trust me and I’ll tell you later.
149. If more criminals were given good lawyers, would we have less crime? Answer: You better believe it.
150. Why do we put suits in a garment bag and put garments in a suitcase? Answer: If you try to fit a garment into a bag it won’t fit.
151. Why is there an expiration date on sour cream? Answer: Because time is money.
152. Where does your belt go when you take off your pants? Answer: Exactly where you’d expect it to go.
153. How do The Cooked feel about people who eat raw meat? Answer: They don’t give a hoot 154. Why do they call them apartments when they are all stuck together? Answer: Because if they weren’t, no one would live there
155. If nothing ever sticks to TEFLON, how do you get it off your pans? Answer: A better question would be why is it called TEFLON?
156. Why is there an expiration date on sour cream? Answer: Because time is money
157. What if there were no hypothetical questions? Answer: Impossible
158. If everything goes smoothly, what’s the next thing that will go wrong? Answer: The bill
159. What’s another word for thesaurus? Answer: Dictionaries
160. Why is it called a building when it is already built? Answer: You would call it a hard day if you had to build one
Funny Tricky questions
161. If an orange is orange, why do we say oranges are orange? Answer: Same reason as for being stuck outside during thunderstorms
162. If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular? Answer: Because it makes everyone look better 163. How can there be self-help groups? Who help themselves? Answer: Same reason as for being stuck outside during thunderstorms
164. What do you have when cross an dog with a wolf? Answer: Wolfdog.
165. Why do they put Braille dots on drive-through ATMs? Answer: Same reason as for being stuck outside during thunderstorms
166. Why is there an expiration date on sour cream? Answer: Because time is money
167. How does a wise man become a fool? Answer: Beating his brains out
168. Who was named first, Eve or Adam? Answer: I don’t know, but I will find out if you insist 169. If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled? Answer: Of course it is
170. Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery? Answer: Depends on how often their diaper changes
171. What’s another word for Thesaurus? Answer: A search engine
172. If everything goes smoothly, what’s the next thing that will go wrong? Answer: The waiter 173. Why is there an expiration date on sour cream? Answer: Because time is money
174. Why do they put Braille dots on drive-through ATMs? Answer: Same reason as for being stuck outside during thunderstorms
175. How can there be self-help groups? Who help themselves? Answer: Same reason as for being stuck outside during thunderstorms
176. What’s another word for a sea cucumber? Answer: A scallop
177. If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled? Answer: Of course it is
178. What do you have when cross an elephant with a grape? Answer: Elephant grape
179. If more criminals were given good lawyers, would we have less crime? Answer: You better believe it
180. Why do we put suits in a garment bag and put garments in a suitcase? Answer: If you try to fit a garment into a bag it won’t fit
181. What if there were no hypothetical questions? Answer: Impossible
182. Why is there an expiration date on sour cream? Answer: Because time is money
183. How does a wise man become a fool? Answer: Beating his brains out
184. Why is there an expiration date on sour cream? Answer: Because time is money.
185. Why don’t people use their microwave to heat up rocks on cold days? Answer: They’re not cold enough
186. What can you never eat for breakfast? Answer: Dinner
187. When is it legal to shoot an umpire? Answer: When he’s between innings
188. If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do all of them have to drown too? Answer: They all have a go individually
189. Why do you press harder on a remote-control when you know the battery is dead? Answer: You think it will make it work better
190. Why do people never say It’s only a game when their team is winning? Answer: Because they’re winning
375 Thought provoking questions that make you think
Tricky love questions to ask your boyfriend or girlfriend
Funny philosophical questions with answers